Ketamine assisted psychotherapy for couples: Evidence-based breakthrough therapy

KAP for couples allows for softening and deepening into connection.

By Pamela Peters (Learn more about how I support people interested in the transformative benefits of Ketamine Couple Therapy)

Introduction

In my relational work with couples (triads and polycules) I help them identify their relational pattern or dance. This mostly unhelpful cycle develops over time and can become so difficult that it drives them into my office. We work together to better understand what brings it on, what each person’s part is in the dance, and ways to decrease its frequency and impact.

I help partners see that the other person is not to blame—this dance or negative cycle is the problem. Together the three (or more) of us work to find other ways for the partners to connect. Sometimes though this dance can bring on extreme defensiveness in the partners. They can become stuck in their own feelings of blame and guardedness. If over time, we are unable to create enough safety for each partner to loosen their protections, this might be a situation where ketamine assisted psychotherapy (KAP) for couples can be helpful.

What KAP for couples is

Couple therapy clients who are mired in deeply entrenched relational cycles take sublingual ketamine inside their couple therapist’s office. Prior to taking the medicine couple has been working with the therapist for some time and they have determined what parts of their relational dance they need to work on during KAP.

The clients enter an altered state where their defenses are lowered, and they are able to more easily see and hear their beloved.

Variations of KAP for couples

There are a few different ways that I use ketamine with couples.

1)       Both/All take a psychedelic dose

During this type of session both/all people take a dose heavy enough that they will not be able to interact much during the experience. Both will be comfortably reclining and will have access to gentle touching if they feel up for it. This will be an inward journey for both/all partners. When coming out of the medicine partners can interact and share what they each experienced. This type of ketamine couple therapy is an inward journey and experience.

2)       One person takes the psychedelic dose

Each person has a different role during this type of session. One person is the one under the medicine. The other takes on the role of a “chaperone.” This type of session is preferable when one person is more of the caretaker in the relationship. This allows each partner to take on different roles from their normal cycle. Usually when we do this, we switch roles during another dosing session.

3)       Both/all partners take a psycholytic dose

This means that both take a lighter dose of medicine which allows them to be able to come in and out of internal and external states. They are able to interact and participate in some easy connecting activities as prompted by the therapist. The purpose of this type of journey is to facilitate deeper connection between partners. The medicine lowers people’s defenses, allowing them to find and reconnect to their original love.

4)       Both partners take a lighter dose to do couple therapy

Both partners will take a very light dose that allows them to still cognitively work through some of the blocks they’ve been working on during talk therapy sessions. This will look like a longer (90) minute couple therapy session. Partners will be in a more open and softened state which can allow them to more easily step outside of their patterns.

Collaborative decisions

When I work with couples/polycules using KAP we all collaborate about which type of sessions to do when. We may start with both partners taking a psychedelic dose to allow them to feel what ketamine is like, learn what a good dose is for them, etc. We may then move to having just one person enter an inward dosing session and then onto doing ketamine augmented couple therapy sessions. I will make recommendations based on my experience working with ketamine and clients. However, ultimately we all need to make the decisions together so everyone feels safe and comfortable with the experiences.

How it works

Ketamine is a dissociative medicine that allows a person to soften their grip on their “normal” reality. I provide more information about how ketamine works on my KAP for individuals page.  

There is evidence that it works

Although research about KAP for couples is in its infancy, a few new studies have come out with evidence that ketamine couple therapy can be helpful. This study Exploring effects and experiences of ketamine in group couples therapy  illustrates that with a trained clinician and prescription ketamine doses, change happens over the course of several ketamine sessions. Couples reported that they: more easily see their partner’s perspective, gain greater insight into their partner, safely feel and communicate their vulnerability, and feel an antidepressant effect.

What clients are saying/Benefits

Of course, due to confidentiality, I can’t tell you exactly what my clients are saying. I can provide you some trends of the benefits they see, based on my experience and experience of other therapists.

Softening: Couples report that they each feel softer and less defensive with their partner. When potential disagreements arise, they do not become hard and inflexible. Instead, they soften and go toward their partner, not away from.

Sharing of vulnerabilities: Several people share that they are sharing their vulnerable feelings such as pain, sadness, and shame. They feel safer with their partners than in the past which allows them to open up more.

Flexibility/adaptability: Similar to softening, couples find that they want to connect, not “be right.” So when they come across a topic that previously would cause them to dig in and fight to “be right,” they instead bend and realize that their connection is more important that winning the fight.

Unstuck: Couples have commented that they rarely ever get stuck in their old relational dance. Instead they have more positive energy in their relationship for connection and fun activities.

Conclusion

Although KAP isn’t the right choice for every couple, for any number of reasons, it can be a breakthrough therapy in the right situations.

I offer KAP for couples in both of my Denver offices: 3035 W. 25th Ave, and 1622 Race Street. You can learn more about KAP for Couples here.

Read my blog to learn more about what a ketamine journey may feel like. If you’d like to book a consult with me regarding doing KAP for couples with me, complete my contact form.