Support for polyamorous, open, & consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships
Polyamory friendly therapy in Denver CO
Which of these sounds like you?
Toe Dippers
You and your partner have talked about opening up. But you’re scared to dive in. You’re not even sure how to begin. You’d like to know what some of the possible challenges could be, before you get into it. You’ve heard about things like new relationship energy, compersion, triads and the like. You’re just not sure how these could affect your current relationship. Every time you start to discuss the idea, you both feel anxiety as well as excitement. You’d like some help communicating about this topic.
Divers
You’ve decided to open up your relationship because you and your partner believe you can love more than one person. Why limit intimacy when you have so much to give? Now that you’ve dived in to try ethical (or consensual) non-monogamy , you’re experiencing difficulties with communication. You thought your relationship was solid, yet suddenly you see issues that were never there before. It’s like opening up has shined a spotlight on all that’s wrong in your primary relationship. Not to mention you never have time for one another anymore.
Swimmers
You and your partners have successfully navigated your multiple relationships to a fairly stable place. Or so you thought. A few years in and some negative patterns have emerged. Someone seems to always feel left out. Two partners gang up on the rest of the polycule. One person feels burdened with all of the hard work. You’ve started having difficulty communicating. You and your triad or polycule could use some polyamory friendly therapy.
As a result…
These issues are now impacting other parts of your lives as well. The discord at home is making you distracted at work--unable to concentrate on once-simple tasks. Your kids are wondering why you’re always texting and giggling. They’ve noticed you’re distracted as well. You even feel isolated from your extended family because you can’t talk about being open with them. You’re not sleeping well and just want to feel like yourself again.
You just wish you could trust a therapist and not have to educate them about what polyamory is.
Put Your Trust in My Experience
I have 12+ years experience in the Denver poly/open relationship/ethical non monogamy community. I know what alternative relationships look like—in all their diversity. I am an LGBTQ+- kink-, and poly-affirming relationship therapist.
I believe that there are as many ways to be in relationships as there are relationships. I want to help you and your partners discover what works best for you all and this will be different for every relationship. You may:
Have relationships outside of your primary partnership that are only sexual, or only romantic.
Decide to live with one or more of your partners.
Have one of your partners be long distance—only playing with the rest on occasion.
Have lovers that are different genders.
These are all legitimate ways of being in relationships.
By working with me, a polyamory friendly therapist, you will gain the confidence to embrace all of your relationship styles. We’ll work to help you heal the relationships you already have. Sometimes this means compromise, which can be more challenging when there are more than two involved.
How do I work?
Toe dippers and divers
When you work with me as you begin to try polyamory or consensual non monogamy, we will explore some common sticking points for couples including:
Jealousy
Rules
What to tell the kids
Who to come out to, and so on.
Since I work collaboratively with clients, we can determine the priority of these issues together. As we begin our work together we’ll discuss your relationship goals so we can keep these in sight and remain on task as we move forward.
Swimmers
For those people already in alternative and open relationships, I work from an emotionally focused therapy (EFT) lens to help uncover the hidden patterns that keep you all from finding fulfilling relationships with your partners. During sessions we will tap into and deepen the underlying attachment feelings you have with your partners. The end goal of this work is for more peaceful and harmonious relationships.
Are you ready to:
Feel deeper connection(s) with your partner(s)
Use newly developed tools for better communication with your partner(s)
Increase connection and sexual intimacy
Have more fun with your partner(s)
Feel freedom and joy within your relationships again?
FAQs
Is it possible to be poly and NOT feel jealousy?
Yes! In fact there is a concept called compersion in which partners often feel the opposite of jealousy. They actually feel joy and fulfillment on behalf of their partner when they are having fun with another partner. Yet, that is not expected, especially when you are new to poly. When working with jealousy we’ll explore what other emotions exist under that emotion. Once we see what it is indicative of, we can find some logical methods to help work through it. Keep in mind that most of us have had monogamy engrained in our lives since a young age. It may take some rewiring of your thoughts to come to a stable place to do poly. Read my blog about ways to manage jealousy in your relationship(s).
We have been doing poly for years and want to get support for the whole poly group. Can you help us?
Yes! I welcome all relationships into my sessions. Depending on what the dynamic looks like we may work with everyone in the room, every time. Or, we may break up into smaller subgroups for some sessions. We’ll always begin with as many from the relationship system as possible.
We both wanted this. Now we are out of sync. What can we do?
Feeling different levels of commitment to poly is common. This is something we can work on during therapy. It may mean it’s time to take a break from outside partners. It may mean it’s time to fully commit and bring the other partner(s) closer in. Or, it may mean something altogether. We’ll figure it out together.
What are some of the most frequent missteps when people start out doing poly?
I have a comprehensive list of topics we can work through as you begin your foray into what alternative relationships could look like for you. We’ll prioritize these together to make sure you get a full picture of potential issues. Learn more about polyamorous relationships in my blog.
My partner is monogamous and I want to have more than one partner. Can we both have what we want?
Mono-poly or mono-polyam relationships can be successful. I work with folx in this situation in my practice to gain clarity about whether this is something you both are willing to try. Learn more about poly-mono or mono-poly relationships in my blog.